I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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