Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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