She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
