I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
