She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
