sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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