Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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