i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
