I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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