I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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