he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
