ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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