Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
