You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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