The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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