You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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