I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
