maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
