Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
