Your face is a jimmy john
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
