it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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