if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
