why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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