there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
