It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
