I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"