My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...