You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
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There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
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Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?