there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
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I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.