Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night