my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!