I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
