Dual....:-)
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
