We're facebook friends in real life
one two three fourrrrnication!
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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