You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
