It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
