Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
