Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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