Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
