I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
