and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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