Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's no shave November. This is our time.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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