he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
