I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
