how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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