you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
