thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
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