I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
