look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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