WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize