I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
