a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize