I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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