You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
