I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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