There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
