I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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