I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
