I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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