Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
pray to the hookup gods
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
