May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
