Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
