So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
