I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
