hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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