my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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