I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
